Hi! everyone of us has a song for every person, for every detail or milestone of our lives. i just want to share with everyone some lines of the songs which i dedicate for some important matters in my life specified below.

1. current state of mind
“look at me, i will never pass
for a perfect wife or a perfect daughter…”

2. faith
“Jesus, take the wheel
take it from my hands
‘coz i can’t do this on my own…”

3. self
“drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten…”

4. husband
“this is my idea of heaven
lying here with you…”

5. children
“when i see you smile,
i can face the world, oohhh,
you know i can do anything….”

and

“sunshine in my window
that’s what you are
my shining star
making me feel i’m on top of the world
telling me i’ll go far…”

6. parents
“thank you for teaching me how to love,
showing me what the world means…”

7. brother
“happiness is singing together when day is through
and happiness is those who sing with you…”

8. friends
“count on me through thick and thin
a friendship that will never end..”

9. life in general
“life is not at all that bad, my friend…”

10. the whole world
“what the world needs now
is love, sweet love…”

i’ve come across this quote from a friend’s friendster profile… “when you point your fingers at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.”

we all can’t help it. when something goes wrong, it’s always our instinct to look for a person to take all the blame. and more often than not, we find everyone around us at fault but never ourselves. we’re just too proud to admit we’ve made a terrible mistake. we’re too afraid to wound our own P R I D E .

we oftentimes find ourselves grumbling and whining the way a child does when he doesn’t get his candies or toys. when given what we need, we don’t even appreciate and begin asking for more. we just look pass through some things in our lives in search of some larger ones that caught our fancy. appreciation is a seemingly unreachable state for some of us. when we have what we want, we start craving for more. and when we have more, we take all means to have everything.

Why am I like this? Geessh…

Honestly, it really is so hard to love this way. It is very risky. The chances of getting hurt are just high that it is very hard not to feel pain in the event that you fail.

Is love really worth all the pain and all the sacrifices?

Sometimes, I wonder why I am here… putting my own life on hold for the sake of the ones I hold dear. I can set aside everything for them. They are my life, and I can never live without them.

I have heard so many things about the case of Ted Failon. I actually sympathize with the whole family for this ‘tragedy’ that struck them all. It is not easy to handle death in the family. But with them, it may feel like catastrophic since they still have to face a lot of things aside from the loss and grief. Their family story has become a saga that everyone awaits for in tv. So how can they go about the whole grieving process?

Whatever really happened on that fateful day, only Trina Etong can tell. It was so unfortunate that she is gone already, and no one can really clear things out. Every word that will come out from the persons involved, directly or indirectly, will be scrutinized by all the followers of this saga.

A lot of good things were told about Ted Failon as a husband. Even the siblings and friends of his wife spoke highly about them. If these were true, then Trina must have been one lucky wife! Her husband was willing to give her all the support and the understanding she needed.

I think in a marriage, it is very important to really keep all the communication lines open to avoid things like these. It is not easy to divulge everything to someone even if it your better half, but it is really imperative for a relationship to work and to keep all matters in order.

I hope the truth will find its own way out. Whether it was suicide or a foul play was committed, I wish the whole bereaved family the strength and peace of mind they all need.

i wasn’t feeling well since yesterday afternoon. i even fell asleep while i was sitting on the bed while watching tv with my husband and babies having some snacks and playing together. but i was trying to brush off the heavy feeling. i couldn’t be sick because no one else would take care of my kids.

i woke up this morning feeling a little lightheaded and having a sore throat. so i just gargled some salted lukewarm water to soothe my throat and just did some stretching. but i don’t feel any better now. i still have to do a ton of chores today. and being sick will never be an excuse.

i remember one time, i was vomiting the whole night. i think i’ve eaten something that really upset my stomach. i was already feeling so weak and was begging to be taken to the hospital. but that couldn’t be possible because the kids are already asleep and no one would look after them. so i just prayed for me to feel better.

hay, MOTHERS JUST DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SICK.

i really have a tendency to spoil my kids. sometimes i give in to what they want even if it’s not really good for them for i really love seeing their eyes twinkling and their smiles flashing at me whenever they are delighted. i love hearing them laugh. i love the way they hug me when they are happy.

I still recognize the need to set limits though. I have to let them realize that they cannot have anything they want and not everything will go the way they want them to.

It’s hard for me to close my eyes to the tantrums marc throws when he doesn’t get what he wants. But though it pains me to see him crying and the thought of his breath holding spells scares me (he holds his breath for so long till he turns blue), I just let him cry till the time he accepts that I won’t really give in. and after that, I just give him something that may fascinate him and make him forget about what he was crying for.

Love really must be tough. It’s hard, but it really has to be tough. Sometimes, love is not all about giving all the things to make your beloved happy, but providing him what in reality is good for him.

…WHO SHOULD LISTEN?

one of the most common advice newly-weds get is that they should never argue or fight about money. for many, it is easier said than done. i’ve witnessed some marriages fell apart because of financial issues. so disheartening…

taking into consideration that money is one important aspect in a marriage, how can it refuse to be the center of disagreement?

since hubby and i got married, we’re blessed not to have serious financial problems and so, money has never been a cause of a serious fight. though we argue sometimes, we still have it fixed after a couple of minutes of trying to have a grasp of each other’s financial outlook. our conflicting styles in managing finances may be hard to compromise, but we work hard in finding a middle ground.

i just want to share that we really are so grateful for the abundance of God’s graces in our family. i’m not saying that we’re leading a prosperous life. we’re not yet there, though i know in time we’ll get there. we still don’t have our own house, our own business. we still can’t splurge on anything that catches our fancy. what we have is just enough to give ourselves a comfortable and healthy life. and for that we’re really thankful.

We’re constantly praying that He’ll provide us enough to get us through all the crises the whole world is facing. With all prices of commodities rising, how can a parent not be afraid? All parents certainly want to give the best life they can for their kids, and, in one way or another, money is essential for achieving this purpose.

i can say our marriage is not at all perfect. we have gone through a series of hardships and sufferings which, at one point, caused a lot of hatred in our hearts. and afraid of being hurt again, by some means, we both found ourselves holding on to all the negative feelings we harbored against each other. after a few months of living together, we came to a point where we both DID like to kill each other.

to make it simpler, our relationship wasn’t healthy THEN. i could think of many factors that might have aggravated our situation.

several trials came our way. some made us wiser and some really tested our faith in our other. but the more rewarding part is… a wonderful friendship blossomed.

i love how we became each other’s best friend and confidant.

we share a lot of things with each other. our discussions range from absurd to the most mind-stimulating topics. we could talk about anything and everything under the sun. we laugh with each other. we even cry together. we are comfortable showing our true emotions in front of each other.

we are still not perfect after all. we still commit a lot of mistakes. we are still guilty of hurting each other.

there are still many ordeals to face. having survived through many storms is not a guarantee that we will surpass everything. but our friendship will make us stronger than ever.

i’ve always considered birthdays as anniversaries of the celebrators and their mothers.

and marc and i just celebrated our 2nd anniversary!!!! how time flies!

i still remember the time when we were still trying to come up with a name for the baby we were having. and then the father thought of naming him MARCEL DAVE. of course, the traditional combination of the parents’ names. i was having second thought. why? i’d rather not elaborate.

when i first saw marc, i felt a mix of overwhelming, unspeakable and indefinable emotions. was he the baby i carried inside me for those 9 exhausting and taxing months??? when i carried his tiny and fragile body in my arms, i had the confirmation.

i can still remember the first time he had his poo-poo. my mother-in-law asked if i knew how to wash. of course, i said yes. though i didn’t. i just wanted to try. so i washed him with my trembling hands hoping nobody would notice.

the first few days with him was so tiring but it was then that i first felt and realized my worth.

marc and i endured a lot of hard times together. and each battle we surpassed made us stronger and wiser.

i was still working when marc was still a baby. he had a yaya to take care of him. and i regret failing to witness some of his milestones, like his first responsive smile, his first syllable, first step. i also felt so sorry because i felt he was a lot closer to his yaya than he was to me. i could hardly make him smile then. but just a look from his yaya would make him chuckle so hard. if i only knew that would be the case and if i just realized how motherhood could be

marc was diagnosed to have asthma when he was still months old. we always had to bring him to his pedia every month. his first Christmas and New Year were spent in the hospital because he had pneumonia.

and when he was about to celebrate his first birthday, he had urticaria (tagulabay). he had big, red rashes all over his body. i didn’t know where he got them. i brought him to several doctors but the medicine they gave didn’t have much effect. i searched about his case on the internet. i tried all the treatments i’ve found out. i tried all other means. i brought him to albularyo and faith healer. yes, i did. our neighbors told me to apply kamias leaves directly on the rashes. i tried changing his milk. i tried to fussily clean our room. but nothing happened. and one day, i came across this heaven-sent site which told me that lactose intolerance could cause it. and so i tried giving him lacto-free formula, and…. jaran!!!!

and our first plane ride??? ’twas a riot! having a one-year-and-5-month-old and a four-month-old, what can you expect???? his pedia advised us to give him carbocisteine an hour before the flight so he would feel sleepy. in that 9-hour plane ride, marc only slept for 1 hour!!!! and he kept on walking and walking and disturbing the other passengers who wanted to sleep!

now, marc is already so makulit. if i refuse to give him what he wants, he’ll find his way to get it. he wants to please us all the time. when he shoots a ball, he wants us to clap for him. if we don’t, he’ll get our hands and force us to clap. he also wants to kiss his baby brother, and again, he wants us to applaud for him if he does so. he’s so malambing! he enjoys kissing his baby matt and then mame and then dade. and we all have to clap our hands after this.

marc and i still have a long way to go. for now, i may be just someone to depend on when he is afraid, hungry or when he wants something. i may not know the part i’ll be playing when the time comes that he’ll have his own world and live his own life. but surely, i’ll still be the same person who’ll love him unconditionally.

no one taught me how to be the mother that i am right now. i owe everything to my kuya marc.

happy anniversary to us, my original baby! i should have given up everything the moment i first held him.